Confession Time

Politicians do confessing all wrong. They always seem to wait until they've been caught on something instead of airing it out, getting in front of it, and letting it go away by itself. I can recall three high-profile affairs confessed to in the past year, and if rumors are true, my very own governor may be next.

In the spirit of living my life better than a politician in every conceivable way, I've decided I have some confessing to do, and what better venue than my internet readership of three people. Also, the speech act is one of my favorite quirks of language, so I'll take any opportunity to act through words. I hereby confess:

1. I'm the one who farted really loudly in Yoga class that one time. Everybody looked and the girl next to me got all red-faced, so I just let everyone else think it was her. It wasn't.
2. I don't know what an airbender is, or why the last one is not even a person but an avatar, but that didn't stop me from borrowing the game expressly for the 1,000 gamer points available from a cheat in the first level.
3. I just did this to you. I admit it. I did this too.
4. I have hiked the actual Appalachian Trail. Not the whole thing.
5. I have lost entire days of my life planning intricate dungeon master scenarios. I also spent about four years' worth of weekends pretending to be a wizard or jedi or whatever rather than going ANYWHERE that might have put me in contact with persons of the opposite sex.
6. I still tell people who didn't know me then that I used to be in a band. I leave out the part that all I could play was the cowbell.
7. Nobody asks for more cowbell.
8. I have had dozens of philisophical discussions revolving around the movie The Matrix. I was not stoned for any of them.
9. I once punched the monkey for a chance to win an Xbox.
10. I bought a party game based on vocabulary so I could lord it over everybody when I won. I always lose at Scrabble.
11. I care about fashion.
12. For all my talk of radical apathy, I was really invested in the last election.
13. I own music created by Russel Crowe.
14. I've considered buying music created by Steven Seagal.
15. I still sometimes think about punching people from high school.
16. I originally got into acting because I thought it would be a good way to hang out with girls and get them to like me. The closest that came to working was sitting in a car with a gay guy drinking Smirnoff Ice before a performance once. He never called after that.
17. I just wrote a list-based blog post because I didn't have anything better to say. I still had fun doing it.

How does my PS3 suck? Let me count the ways...

When I turned 30 I decided to get myself a present and buy a Playstation 3.  I had long ago traded in my PS2 - the gaming device/DVD player that carried me through college.  I felt that it was time to see how awesome this new Blu-Ray experience supposedly was.  As Sony is generally known for their ability to make decent media players, TVs and gaming devices, I thought it would be worth picking up at least a used one.  I decided that the hype behind why everyone thought - it was overpriced, and underperforming was just rumor, and found one on Craigslist that was a good price for a used 60GB PS3(one of the hardware backwards compatible ones).  It came with a few games, and I thought it would be a great addition to my home theater because I've always had some nit-picky problems playing music and movies through my Xbox 360.  I have an iMac for a primary computer, so it makes it a little challanging to get through some of the hoops required to get media to stream from the computer to the TV set.

I bought the PS3 with the intention that I'd stream media first - like watch Hulu through the built in browser - the day after I bought it, Hulu blocked the Sony PS3 browser.  Not Sony's fault, but definitely put a huge dent in my plans since I already had an AppleTV with Boxee on it - that Hulu had blocked several months ago as well.  Things were not looking good for the TV situation with both my primary video playing devices blocked by the web service I wanted to use most.

So, I've moved on with the media plans... but now, I had another problem.  Macs and PS3s don't really like each other much, so I had to purchase a $20 piece of software called Rivet that made my Mac a DLNC compatible media server, so that the Xbox 360 and PS3 would be able to stream music, movies and pictures.  What's funny is I already had purchased Connect 360 to play movies from my Mac on the 360, but it was a transcoder - so technically, it was changing the format as it was transmitting to the Xbox 360.  Rivet was a pure streaming software, so I was happy to change it for that reason alone... However, as it turns out the PS3 is just about the crappiest media player on the face of the earth when it comes to streaming media.  I use a 100 Mb wired connection to all my computers and devices in my home.  The PS3 and iMac are connected through my router, and I get solid throughput when streaming and copying large files over the network.

Unfortunately, the PS3 doesn't care that it has a nice wired network to work with - it falls flat on its face constantly while streaming video and music.  Not only does the PS3 constantly put errors on the screen while streaming video, but apparently, it doesn't buffer the content well as it's streaming, so I get a lot of stuttering, stops, freezes and videos crashing.  However, the Xbox 360, using the SAME Rivet software, plays the same videos perfectly without a single hiccup.  So it is - the PS3 is a terrible media streaming device, and practically worthless for the purposes of why I bought it.  Granted, I have played some of the games, and they are nice... but the primary use of it was to be a media player, and its lack of consistency, and horrible support for network streaming make it the worst streaming device I've ever used.  Even my old original Xbox with XBMC installed on it streams better movies and music over a wireless connection in my bedroom.

Sony, why did you break the buffering of video to your device when it's streaming from firmware 2.42 -> 2.50? I think it's worth pointing out that your PS3 still costs 1.5x that of a comporable Xbox 360. Why doesn't Sony fix the problems they've created in your firmware, and make the PS3 a device actually worth paying that ridiculous price for?

An idea for everyone to get worked up over

I almost got punched at a party over this one, but I still believe it to be at least 50% true, so I think I need to get it out there to at least have the option of a conversation on the topic. I live my life, as everyone does, between the small and big pictures. I recognize that my actions have consequences in my life, and I recognize that my life has an infinitesimally small, approaching zero effect on the universe. In fact, to borrow a misuse of Newton’s first law, every one of my actions is met by an equal and opposing reaction, so I’m really just a random motion in the giant equilibrium machine of existence. I’m mentally at the end of I ♥ Huckabee’s where they realize that everything is connected, but it’s nothing special.

Here’s my problem, I grew up in the culture that changed “whatever” from a pronoun to a sentence. Today, that attitude is unacceptable. Today we have two generations bookending the Xers that are acting like the Vatican should add apathy to make 8 deadly sins. We have a governor resigning because “a problem in our country today is apathy.” I have an issue with that because caring too much can be a huge problem, but you never hear people in public life getting upset about participation. You might not like their positions, but at least they’re participating and that’s what democracy is all about, right. I am totally sick of Gen Y and all their rah-rah bullshit and the boomers beaming proudly and saying, “look how involved the youth are.” I’m not just being a curmudgeon because I can’t stand kids these days. I’m upset about something I think we’re losing. A little something I like to call radical apathy.

Everyone who’s ever gone to a twelve-step meeting knows there are things we can’t change, but that concept seems to be lost on our society lately. Everyone wants to change everything, but we’re always 50/50 on which way we want to change it. Now that we’ve picked sides, we’re fighting with all the venom in the darkest parts of our souls to prove, more to ourselves than anyone else, that the other side is full of disgusting monsters. This kicks in the tribe mentality function of our lower brain, and woe unto logic presenting itself before a tribe.

Radical apathy is the idea that change happens with or without participation. Change is a natural phenomenon that has always existed, and change is something over which we have but marginal control at best. Change is also something we suck at as humans as noted by the lazy journalists’ stories every January about how fitness memberships are up, but are likely to decline to average rates by March. Radical apathy believes that there are some ideas worth advocating, but almost none worth a fight. Radical apathy is not nihilism. Radical apathy recognizes that there are some good ideas out there in the teachings of conservatives, liberals, Hindus, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Yankees fans and Red Sox fans, but that all those thought systems have enough common ground that there’s no point in killing or dying for one over the other.

Radical apathy let’s you get out there and live long and meaningfully in your short, pointless life without getting caught in the traps being set by people who only live to start an argument. Radical apathy is the idea that life is what it is, is what it’s going to change into, and is best suited to the adaptable. Radical apathy recognizes that some things are unfortunate, but that unfortunate things are always happening no matter how many you stop of one variety or another. It recognizes that “fair” is a construct of our minds and never means the same thing to two different people. Radical apathy does what it can to be happy and to make others happy, but realizes that conflict causes unhappiness. Radical apathy can work hard and relax hard; it cares about what’s going on right now, not what happened or what might happen. Radical apathy likes your brand new shirt and thinks it looks great with those jeans you bought ten years ago with the holes in them; it thinks both will look good with your next hair cut.

Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

AT&T and why I won't buy an iPhone

If you've read anything about iPhones lately, you'll notice that there isn't a lot of good press regarding the only carrier that officially supports and sells the so-called "God-Phone."  AT&T has long been the brunt of scorn with their extremely frustrating issues supporting and handling the volume of calls and data going to and from these fantastic devices.  Most recently, there have been complaints that the visual voicemail service (where the voicemails show up as media files that you can play right on the phone) stopped working completely.  It's been almost a week since the first reports of that came through, yet AT&T has yet to actually acknowledge that there's a problem, let alone when it will be fixed.

When the iPhone was initially released on June 29th, 2007 (right before the iPod Touch which debuted on September 14, 2007), I seriously considered getting one... But I opted for the 16GB iPod Touch instead.  The first generation iPhone was a beauty, and it had what it took to shake up the mobile phone market as we've seen in the last 2 years.

But with only one choice for the carrier, it stopped me dead in my tracks.  I've only had AT&T service once in my life - I converted to pre-paid service for a few months because I was sick of paying $90/month to Verizon for only 450 minutes and no data plan, no GPS, and a crappy Motorola RAZR phone.  The phone I got from AT&T was a piece of junk, but it was free and the monthly charges dropped to around $20-$25 a month, so I switched carriers to AT&T.  I had the service for less than 6 months and realized what a mistake it had been to switch to AT&T.  There were times when calls just didn't reach my phone, the signal was crap at best - and I can't help but mention that damn popping/beeping sound GSM phones create when placed next to computer speakers.  It drove me crazy.  I got lucky at the time and jumped on the Sprint SERO plan for $30/month (500 minutes, unlimited data and SMS, MMS).  But in the back of my mind, I've still pined after the iPhone wishing that someday it would come to a carrier worth having, not cost $100/month for service, and give me the fix I've been looking for in portable devices.

Verizon is supposedly in negotiations to get the iPhone on their network... Carriers have long been using the headset exclusivity as a reason to hold people's 2 year contracts over their heads.  Hopefully with Congress and the FCC investigating the exclusivity rights that carriers have had for so long, things may change for the better.  Open hand-held devices usable on any service would be a nice change.  I have no idea if Verizon would be able to handle the volume of traffic that carrying the iPhone would bring, but I imagine it would cause quite an exodus from AT&T if any other carrier got rights from Apple to sell that phone.

Who will be Next?

Walter Cronkite passed away last Friday. He was 92. The world has lost many people this summer: people that have shaped the world with their existing. It's hard to judge a man or woman's worth in our age of information. I have lived in an age where everything is known; where everything is questioned.

It's telling, isn't it, that I was born two weeks before Cronkite retired. Known as "the most trusted man in America," Cronkite was in place to break the news that disillusioned our country. He was the voice to reveal Watergate, to sway public opinion about Viet Nam. He cried when JFK was pronounced dead and proclaimed "Wow!" when the first images of man on the Moon were broadcast.

Unfortunately, I wasn't around for him. My news casters are petty and vindictive. Whereas Cronkite thought of himself as merely a conduit of the news, now we get our choice of pundits who hawk their opinions and rants. Current news is like flavored water: just enough of a hint of bias to foul the original, flavorless idea.

As though current broadcasts are an improvement to the newsdesks of old.

My quintessential question becomes this: are we just seeing this Anchorman of Anchormen through the hazy sieve of remembrance? Was he as objective as 60 minutes has pronounced? He seemed universally loved. I wonder what details of this man are lost in his passing. Will there be another Cronkite--can there be in an age where everyone has access to information, correct or not?

My mind says there cannot; that we will never trust another individual as we trusted Cronkite. Maybe that's just the way it is.

Writing, reading, and creating

When I was in college, it was a requirement that undergraduate students take several different courses that included a writing component - specifically to prepare you to express yourself through written language.  I took several courses specifically for writing (Creative Writing, Contemporary American Lit, etc.) that we were instructed to provide some feedback or use some creative processes to talk about our thoughts and emotions regarding pieces of poetry, novels, etc.  It was all very academic, but the one thing I really enjoyed was the ability to explore ideas beyond the bounds that the professors assumed we had in our limited student minds.  If you could come up with an exciting idea, the professors I had were really great in that they let us explore them deeply, as long as we were ready to back up the ideas with some sort of background story, or verifiable source of information.

One of the hardest things about writing is really having some good information to start with, and some research to support your ideas. None of the early American writers that I know of always used validated sources for their creative writing, but they did have a way of expressing their ideas that I think has been lost over time as more and more textual information has been published.

I'd love to author a book; I'm thinking about Science Fiction as a genre.  But, I have no idea what the basis for the book would be, or how it will unfold... I just want to write something.  I've been reading more books lately, some Orsan Scott Card and a few other authors in this genre, and I believe that I could write a compelling story... but where to begin?

I'm sure my college professors might laugh and say that you have to actually write something down first - then you'll know where you started.  I don't know if that's enough though.  I see writing a book, short story or whatever it may be as a HUGELY daunting task.  I find that possibilities are endless, but narrowing it down, making it something worth-while, and actually engaging a reader seem so out of my grasp.  Perhaps co-writing a book is a good place to start.  Mr. Misanthropology was an English and teaching major, and I would think that he would be the most likely person to co-write a book with me.  But all those things I'm afraid of are still present because even if he decided he would cooperate with me, the whole point is that you have to work together to accomplish something worth doing.  I find the thought of that most unnerving.  I wouldn't want to begin working on writing something unless many of the pieces were already in place in terms of story outline, character development, and plot... but when you co-author with another person on a creative work like this, you have to be very open to being flexible about everything that holds the story together.  Their ideas are just as important as yours, and one has to be ready to accept criticism and adjust the direction to suit the needs of everyone involved.  It's like trying to drive a car with two steering wheels, and two sets of pedals.  You want to have the same goal, but the way in which both of you get there may be completely different in each of your minds.

I don't know if my age has anything to do with it, but I feel like I'm too young to worry about stuff so inconsequential as this...  I definitely want to try to break into that field... but it's something to think about, and I believe that having at least something that you created noted somewhere in the annals of history should be everyone's goal.

On Action and...Not Action.

The other day, I was listening to a podcast in which the participants were reviewing/discussing the latest Johnny Depp vehicle, Public Enemies, a movie so far off my radar that I had to look up the title just now. I’ve seen the trailer a few times. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen enough of that movie in fewer than five minutes that I don’t need to spend the more than two hours to see it entire. I’m also pretty sure I’ve seen enough of Depp for my lifetime. It’s not that I think he’s a bad actor, and I certainly don’t see him as great. He just kind of exists on the fringes of my consciousness, exhibiting a certain Depp-ness that I’ve only once felt was very compelling. In fact, other than his turn as Thompson, the most enjoyment I ever got out of Depp was the episode of Extras wherein Orlando Bloom was totally obsessed with comparing his looks and acting to Depp’s.

Back to the point of all this, these particular podcasters were discussing what they felt was the lack of characterization portrayed in the film. One of these said, and I paraphrase, “the characters are very much defined by their actions, we don’t really get to see their inner lives or motivations.” I, as is my habit when I am alone in the car, immediately spoke in the direction of my portable, digital listening device, “Isn’t that life? What, do you have a running omniscient narrative in your head informing you of people’s secret motivations and dreams?” Through this rather flimsy critique of the movie, I was transported back to my freshman writing class and the adjunct professor obsessed with existentialism. “Existence precedes essence,” they say, and I’m often inclined to agree with them. I don’t know what goes on in the head of anyone but myself, and I’m not sure of that all the time. Our only criteria for judging people is their actions.

Unfortunately, things get sticky because, as humans, our brains are hard-wired for the tasks of classification, segmentation, and labeling. Being inherently lazy creatures, we tend to grasp at the low hanging fruit when it comes to making judgments about those around us, and our sweeping generalizations allow us the comfort of not getting to know people. From their actions in recent news cycles, I can judge Mark Sanford a hypocritical philanderer, Michael Jackson a freakish drug addict, and the Supreme Leader of Iran a brutal cheatybeard-mcliarface. All of these public actions are easy to categorize, but their weight is meaningless without the full context of their private actions. Of course, I don’t have time for that, and neither do you.

American culture has become hyper-reductivist because none of us have the patience for much more…let alone the time. In his book, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, author Chuck Klosterman details how MTV’s The Real World popularized the idea affecting a single trait as one’s defining characteristic. It certainly does make it easier to be a person if you only have to think about one thing all the time. I am sports-guy, I am encyclopedic-knowledge-of-pop-music guy, I am loves-to-drink-and-party person, I am more-concerned-about-the-environment-than-you-are girl, I am geek. There isn’t necessarily a problem with offering this one-dish menu to the world at large. It can be beneficial when one is at a party and a stranger to most of the guests to be introduced according to one’s favored conversation topic. However, hit the sustain pedal on that one note too long, and people wonder where the rest of the song is; jump from key to key and you’re a flake.

The personal, philosophical problem I’m experiencing right now with being judged by my actions is that I don’t have time enough to act anymore. I want to be a complex person with varied interests, and I can be every one of those people that I mentioned, given the proper context. Reading DougV’s recent post about geekdom made me stop and consider, am I geek? From a basic interest level, I’d say I qualify as geekimus minor, but I’ve already established in my brain that only actions matter. By that measure, I’m seriously failing the geek test. I haven’t actually purchased a computer since 2000, I stopped with the pen and paper role-playing games when I got a girlfriend, it can take me months to finish a video game, and I have never owned a subscription to any of the following publications: Wired, Popular Mechanics, Game Informer, Nintendo Power.

I kind of recoil at the thought of being “Married Guy,” not because of anything to do with marital dissatisfaction, but because of the undertones of emasculation. However, an examination of my activities last weekend leaves little doubt: breakfast together, shopping trip to Costco, holiday party at a friend’s, watching a movie together on the couch, coitus. Next is an abbreviated list of things in my sphere of interest for which there was no time (or, in some cases, funds): hiking, sitting in a bar with some friends and a low-key band, Halo party, hockey with the guys, road trip to Cleveland, golf, tennis, making ratatouille from scratch, undermining the North Korean dictatorship of Kim Jong Il, buying that new TV I’ve wanted for a long time. Maybe that podcast guy was right, maybe I need to spend more time examining people’s motivations whenever possible.